Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
