he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
