My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
