dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
