nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
