I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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