i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
