if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
