youre lurking in front of me
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
