i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
