I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
