Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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