i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
