shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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