just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
