Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
