You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
