so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
