I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
