I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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