I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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