meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
