Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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