is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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