So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
