We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
