ya dads aren't the best wingmen
...so i touched it.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
