It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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