how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
