I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
