Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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