Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
So vagazzling was a success
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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