I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
