Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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