you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
nutella sex= disaster
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
