yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
