i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
