Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
