"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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