you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
