Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
