Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize