stop calling my apartment porn island.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
