shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize