There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
