My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I intend to get homeless drunk
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
