Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I supernannyed him into submission
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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