The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
