Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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