My friends, they love my intelligence
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
