My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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