Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
