Need sex. Gaining weight.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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