girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
