I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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