Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I'm drive I can fine osifer
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
