he thought i was a dude.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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