It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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