I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
