she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
