Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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