she is the kim kardashian of front butts
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
