This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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