why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
