I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
