Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
