I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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