it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
