I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
This gyro tastes like lonliness
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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