He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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