Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
