I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize