I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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