How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Randomize
