her vagina looked like bernie madoff
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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