I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
