Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
