Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
