Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize
