According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Never joke about your clitoris.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
