you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
