Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Still dying that you shit outside
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
