wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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