You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
